Although this is rather old news, Ready.gov released cool icons that in no way would be helpful during any potential terrorist attack. Providing a somewhat cynical yet hilarious satire is yours truly.
Kids, biology is fun. Even during a terrorist attack!
Sorry to inform you of this Missouri, but you're screwed. Cheer up everyone else, there's still 49.
In the event of a terrorist attack, the government will communicate with its citizens thru radio, TV, and computer monitor/microwave. 
"Hmmm. Is this two feet tall automatic spray can dangerous? Let me ponder this while the vapors seep into my lungs."
"Yeah. Maybe I should go away."
Four out of five men prefer the smell of laundry washed with Tide.
"Hi Mary! It's really too bad about Missouri not existing anymore. But at least my hands are clean." 
Looks like someone forgot to prepare for Daylight Savings Time. Be ready! 
If you're too damn stupid to think of calling for help, you'll surely forget what number to call.
Under the right circumstances and right shaped flasks, Kool Aid can make a black hole.
"I'm so sad, the terrorists have turned me into a pink cow."
If you're a germ freak now, boy will you be scared to death in an actual chemical attack. 
"I'd make love to you in the tent, but it's too small for both of us."
"Despite my gonorrhea of the throat, I'm having an awesome acid trip."
However tempting, don't eat dead fish or birds, especially ones on a red circle with a thick diameter.
"Hmmm... Are these dead fish and birds related to a terrorist attack or Bush's horrible environmental policies?"
Secret Biological Terrorist Meeting, Straight Ahead
Who wants to play Pong? 
Fine, fine! Pacman it is.
Warning! Chemical attack may inhibit proper function of the thyroid gland.
In case of terrorists, hide under rocks so they don't see you.
Try to hold your breath for an hour until the lethal smoke clears. 
Dressing up like Michael Jackson will surely scare all terrorists away. 
Who says being trapped under debris is uncool? Enjoy strobe lighted disco party using the flash light you always carry in your pants. 
Timeout! 
When the structural integrity of your building in compromised, hide under a flimsy table with a 50 pound monitor for a definite but painless death.
"I'm the friendly exit door, kids! Leap thru me to avoid certain death." 
Say no elevators. M'kay? 
Terrorist's Ed, The Sign Test
Trust medical responders. Unless they are terrorists posing as medical responders. 
To escape undetected, slide thru the crack in the door.
Since all harmful gases are lighter than air, like nerve gas which of course is not a weapon any terrorist could use, be sure to get as low to the ground as possible. 
Cover breathing orifices with fabric during biological attack. Invisible bacteria and viruses can't get thru cloth. We promise.
It is customary to open gaps in the wall (such as "doors") with what the goverment likes to call "hands."
Be a patriot! Eavesdrop on potential terrorist conversations. Let the Red Arrow of Liberty be your guide.
Caution! Man-eating, fire-breathing dragon in closet. 
You are here and you are screwed. 
Children, no running during a terrorist attack. No exceptions!
Even if you are heavily aroused, always refuse terrorist homosexual foreplay and spooning.
In case of terrorist attack, casually stroll thru the neighborhood stopping at the cornerstore to pick up snacks. 
Before. 
During. 
After. 
Too late. 
John and his brother Steven quickly made their way to what they thought was safety from the raging attack above ground. However, the evil nuclear symbol followed them. They were never heard from again... 
Sucks to be you. 
Disposable thin plywood is an excellent insulation against radiation. Also remember to duck and cover.
"Meteorologist Bob tells us that ultraviolet rays are not a concern for the city today, but for yet unknown reasons Main Street is a prime source of cancer and weird mutations."
Looks like someone's not gonna have kids!
Report any suspicious subtle red sticks with timers and giant containers marked "RADIOACTIVE." 
"Traffic is still backed up on I-45 due to an overturned 18-wheeler. Also avoid the intersection, or lack thereof now, at Main and Broadway thanks to a terrorist attack." 
"I hope this is stupid radiation and doesn't realize it could just come around the corner..." 
"In a recurring story, real estate at Main Street, after its third terrorist attack today, is worthless." 
We're sorry, your cholesterol count is 512. Oh we are terribly sorry, your sperm count is 512.
Garage Sale!End of page. Only two options left: go to the biggest free/no-ad arcade online or download this set of icons and make your own captions.
