It is the year 2097, and the world's pollution resulted in the dramatic decline in the population of snow monkeys. Genetically potty-trained dogs, Fluffy and his multi- cultural compañero, Fifi, embarked on the adventure of their lives. They were asked by staff, consisting of 5 retired citizens and a sanitation janitor, at the Houston Zoological Gardens to find some snow monkeys to bring back for a new exhibit that would attract millions and millions of people to the Houston Zoological Gardens. Fifi screamed with joy, but Fluffy, after being run over by a truck, swallowed by a hippo, freezing half to death, and a numerous number of other things, he did not want to go anywhere. After the staff had told that they would risk their lives and they had a 1% chance of coming back, Fifi squealed with joy and he said, "Me gustan adventuras y riesgos."
From Houston they had to go to Cuba with a boat. From Cuba they would have to go to Portugal with an airplane, from there to the Baffin Island in Canada with a yellow school-bus, for no apparent reason whatsoever. By plane, they would go to the Japan from there.
As usual, Fifi forgot his Super-Duper Power Ranger's watch, so they missed the boat. Fifi had an amazing idea. He said, "Nosotros gusta nadar en el mar con tiburón." This means, for all of you non-Spanish speakers, "We like to swim in the sea with sharks." As you have already guessed, Fifi was unharmed, but Fluffy was torn apart by the sharks and he even met the same hippo whom had swallowed him four months earlier......
When they arrived in Cuba, 38,787 hours later than it was scheduled, as you have already guessed, they missed the plane. In Cuba, Fifi decided that he did not want to go to Portugal, and that he wanted to go to the Baffin Island to see that the darling Eskimo children with their funny-looking, hairy hats. Leonardo Dicaprio, the "talented" Hollywood actor, was in the area, so Fifi really wanted to go.
After spending 10 wasteful weeks with the Eskimos, Fifi learned how to eat raw fish, illegally catch whales, and he learned how to make funny hats. Fluffy learned not to make faces at, what the Natives called, "snow-bears". Needless to say, Fluffy was hurt by the bears and he promised himself that when they got back to Houston, he would by a gun for protection against wild and freaky animals. Also, Leonardo DiCaprio was "moved", actually forced to jump, into the freezing lake. Thanks to Fluffy's clever handling of this situation, nobody found Leo.
The plane took off from the Baffin Island and they would now go to their destination, Japan. There was a problem, of course and as usual. Fluffy's Bonus Air Miles had expired when they were halfway across Europe. After much arguing, the stewardess forced Fluffy and Fifi off the plane right above Ukraine's well populated capital of Kiev. Fifi knew that if he were to "splash" into the ground from 30,000 feet, they would kill innocent bystanders. As Fifi was drying the tears out of his eyes, because they would kill people, he came up with an idea. (OH, NO!)
He told Fluffy that if they would go a few miles north, then they would not kill bystanders, but they would still be dead. Unfortunately, there happens to be a nuclear reactor at the location where they were going to land... Even though most of the people in Kiev died as a result of the thermo-nuclear explosion, some good resulted after all. The nuclear mushroom, or cloud, went so high up into the atmosphere, killing the rare bald eagle and other species, that Fluffy and Fifi were lifted up and they flew right into Japan. (When the U.S. Post Office was notified of this, they changed their song, enjoyed by millions, Fly Like an Eagle to Fly Like a Snow Monkey, for no reason whatsoever.)
When they tried to climb Mt. Fuji to capture the last remaining tribe of snow monkeys in the world, Fifi forgot to buy the oxygen bottles that were required, if you wanted to stay alive. After Fluffy's could not take carbon dioxide filled environment, he got so angry at Fluffy that he mutated into a big 20-foot giant pixie-princess monster. He screamed at Fifi who said, "Tú eres muy enojado y loco." Which means, "You are very angry and insane." Those were the last words of Fifi. After he calmed down, Fluffy turned back into a normal creature and went out for pizza.
Fluffy went on to capture the last surviving snow monkeys, after he ate 4 pieces of pizza at the Japanese Pizza Hut. (He told us earlier that the Japanese pizza is very good, but he does not know why the pepperoni and cheese was green.) He sold the snow monkeys to the Houston Zoological Gardens for an estimated $15,000,000 a piece. He now lives in his own "Pixie-Princess-Baboon and Snow Monkey Ranch" in Houston. He now has his new recording studio and he has his new macarchi band. He deeply mourns and he misses hid companion Fifi. Nobody knows, or would even care to know, that it was he who blew up the nuclear reactor, or that he killed Fifi. Fifi's body was never found, but our Hindu experts say that he reincarnated as Tinky-Winky, the beloved Teletubby.
The author has written five other equally pointless books as this one. He lives in Houston, Texas and he dreams to follow the footsteps of Fluffy and make his own "Baboon and Snow Monkey Ranch For the Mentally Loco". The author's hobbies include; swimming, throwing icy-water balloons at older kids, and making fun of his "swimmates".