Fellow Warm Greeting, Mr/Mrs. Andrasi Konya,
My name is Chinua Achebe and I used to be a writtter
of fantablous and enchanting books.
Me, my five wives, three man children, and four
she-childes have fallen on hard times. Neegheria has
had has a drought for nearly 24.5 (TWENTY FOUR AND HALF)
months for drogught. WE NO LONGER have any kola NUTS
and we are running veryveryvery LOW on our precious yams.
Even our womanish crops like beans and coco-yams are
all gone. The LOCUSTS have flyen away and we cant eat
those either, the locusts. My smallest child, Qwertyu, was
run over by a herd of angry cows. Myself and me man-children
already been forced to eat our 17 (SEVENTTEENN) neighbors
childs. I fear my own doghters will have to be eaten.
My family has a TUFIA on it from AGBALA. FURTHERMORE,
I have lost my ozo, udu, egbolaizu. You could call me
BUT HOWEVER, I have royalties in the Nigerian International
BANK OF NIGERIA from when people still liked my books.
Because of troubling wartime circumstaces of war and a rampant
case of goatherpes among the population in my homeland,
blessed be the motherland, I not can make it to NATIONAL
BANK OF NIGERIA.
In the OFFICIAL NIGERIAN REGIONAL BANK, I have about
$20,000,000.02 (TWENTY-MILLION US DOLLARS $ AND TWO CENTS
OF AMERICAN DOLLARS). I need a bank account for this
amount (TWENTY-MILLION US DOLLARS $ AND TWO CENTS OF
AMERICAN DOLLARS) to go into. Please reply with as many
United States credit card(s) number(s), American bank
account(s), and Social Security number(s) you have.
AS YOUR REWARD, YOU get to keep up to 20% (TWENTY-FIVE
PERCENT) of the $5,000,000 (FIVE MILLION USA DOLLARS)
that I have.
Please sir, we need our foo-foo very badly. Don't delay
lest you want summon the spirits of Go-di-di-go-go-digidi-dee.
We will beat you mercilessly with our new iron horses lest
you fail to respond.
SINCERESTLY WITH HOPES THAT YOU WILL AGREE TO OUR BUSINESS
AGREEMENT AND SEND MANYMANYMANY CREDIT CARD(S) AND BANK
Your Eternal Friend and Confidenatn,