Andkon's Daily Rightings

Andkon is the shining bacon of the 21^st century, single-handedly leading humanity out of the uncertain present. Apart from managing the world's best arcade, he writes daily to cultivate the ignorant masses

Title Goes Here: Going Around (#10)

	The university's idiotic scheduling system throws my entire day off! I can't believe I'm here at this hour!
What are you talking about? It's 11AM.
	And I'm missing my favorite soap opera. So we'll just have to spend the first seven-eights of class watching it.
Andkon © 2005, as if.

Undeniable Truths of Andkon #1

• Hookers have one redeeming quality: unlike most people, they aren't fickle.
• Hot tea is best drunk from liter-sized jugs.
• Mopping everyday keeps the dysentery away.
• Coats and ties are the enemies of the people: they signify oppression through status that is bought and not earned.
• Fraternities are for people who still wish to have proxy parents to boss them around. The beer is just a lure, a treacherous guise for the "cool" parents.
• Andkon lives in an ivory cave with no beavers.

Bitcomet and Isohunt, The Great Combo

With torrent sites getting their asses threathened/sued off and P2P programs full of spyware, what's the best option for those who don't wish to leak their precious money to money hungry assholes?

It's all rather simple, boys and girls. First you need a program that does the downloading: Bitcomet. It comes with no spyware or even built-in ads. Hurray!

Second, you need a website where you search for files since unlike Kazaa and pals, Bitcomet does not have a search feature. So now we go IsoHunt.com. And that's it.

Senora Desperata

Ummm, a while back I promised I'd regularly make fun of the people appearing in Fark Personals. Today we talk about some evolutionary mixup.

Interested In: Friendship, Dating, Serious Relationship
Translation: Desperate for anything.

Occupation: Renaissance Woman
Translation: Jill of All Trades, Master of None

The five items I can't live without: illegal substances
Drugs: Often
Self-love: Often
Translation: If you don't bail me out when I go to jail, I will act like a bitch.

Education: Graduate Degree
Translation: Intergender Roles in Misogynist America
Clarified Translation: Professional Bitch

Most humbling moment: was more or less a decade long series of events spanning most of the 80's and some of the 90's!
Translation: "Note to self: Moment does not equal era."

WHY YOU SHOULD GET TO KNOW ME:...'Cuz I'm smart, sexy, and sweet (a wicked combination) 'Cuz I've got a crazy streak running through my cool demeanor. 'cuz I have a history of being the most giving, most laid-back friend or lover ever! 'Cuz...
Memory: "Education: Graduate Degree"
Translation: "Best or worst lie I've ever told"

Life of Andkon: Tragicomedy Thru AIM (Part III)

Continued from Part II.

That's the anticlimatic end to this series. What a let down, but wait! There's more!!!

Much better.

Life of Andkon: The Movie

Multi-talented actor/screenplayist/director Andkon is pleased to present his latest work, based on Life of Andkon: Tragicomedy Thru AIM (Part II).

Click to view the quicky! (Warning: This is the single stupidest thing you will watch this week.)

To quote Teen Girl Squad: actually crazy. Also, the makeup crew tried to imitate the chalky, white Joan Crawford look but was rather clumsy. In accordance with the Super Patriot Act, I will torture the illegal immigrants responsible before my next film is made.

In other news, there's breaking news! Even the official Mozilla.org mouthpiece, Pravdazine, now admits that Firefox is gay and increases the risk for armpit herpes by 284%.

In pissing contest news, on April 12, 2004 Andkon.com welcomed 1954 visitors while April 12, 2005 saw 5878 visitors, an overall increase of just over 300%, despite having zero assholes licked by fawning media. To further battle the forces of Mozilla.org, I plan to increase herpes production starting immediately.

Life of Andkon: Tragicomedy Thru AIM (Part II)

Continued from Part I.

[As silly as it sounds, I actually do feel terrible having to write things I don't believe in. It's like writing mindless propaganda for all my classes. It's not just a complete waste of time but also wrong as it teaches lying against myself. It teaches that if you have an idea that's contrary to others, you ought to be docile and back down. Or else. I feel like Winston Smith in Orwell's 1984: I realize the bullshit and nonsense, but I still go along with out of fear of failing courses. I wonder when I'm going to snap and be placed in an asylum. At least I get a hot chick before that.]

TO BE CONTINUED! Should Andkon stop caring about politics? Is that even his problem? Find out next time on the amazing conclusion to Life of Andkon: Tragicomedy Thru AIM (Part III)!

Countdown to 2500 words! We Interrupt the Regularly Scheduled Broadcast!

I have to write a ten-page paper that I should have started about two or three months ago. I've written 419 words (417 of which were written last night) and it's due in about 20 hours. With the help of small margin adjustments and Arial font I'm pretty sure I can finish before midnight at the rate of about 400 words an hour... I'll be conducting an hourly or so updated countdown which will serve as a great segue into Life of Andkon (Part II).

5:01 PM - I have ~600 words and for the first time, I actually have a framework for my paper.

5:54 PM - Almost 800 words erg... I'm slowing...

8:49 PM - 1000 words. I had a nice dinner and a hot jug of tea. I've been feeling sleepy for about an hour and a half now. Assignment due in 15 hours.

10:28 AM - I are finished!

Cheer me on and leave a comment!

Life of Andkon: Tragicomedy Thru AIM (Part I)

TO BE CONTINUED! What DID happen? Follow the "Life of Andkon: Tragicomedy Thru AIM (Part II)" tomorrow!

Title Goes Here: Special Edition

Today, "andkonbasher" (aka Eric from my old high school) tries to mimick Title Goes Here and fails:

Shitinerary for the Next Few Days

I have to write three papers for next week, making this possibly the busiest next few days this entire school year. One's for Stalinism 101 on St. Augustine, some influential (that's why you haven't heard of him!) intellectual masturbator with a knack for symbolism and bullshit, though that's superfluously, repetitively redundant. Another for English. And another on the International Monetary Fund's role in economic development.

What all three papers have in common has been driving me neurotic for years: the professors say to be original, yet demand sources for ideas (not just facts or statistics) or demand acceptance of the commonly held view on the matter. This of course is a paradox, reducing any assignment down into a Sparknotes summary, even in a class like English where I have transform summaries into argumentative explanations, disguising the emptiness of my words with elongated flowery phrases. (Last semester, I used the phrase "insatiable appetite for sodomy" to describe appropriate parts in Dante's Crapferno. That short paper made an A.) It's simply impossible to be original and yet have to cite or go along with the flow. Of course, that's nothing new and has been proven by the low marks my "experimental" essays have received.

The assumptions that neither the book nor the assignment can be questioned promotes a framework that restricts. Period. Nothing interesting can be talked about, just drivel that makes absolutely no sense.

Out of Respect, The Library Can Suck It

Due to the fact that I didn't care to go to college, I was talked into going to the closest decent university near me, a Catholic univerity. It's really not any better or worse than any other place (which doesn't mean that it isn't crappy). However, there are somethings that do get on my nerves (including Solitaire girl). Today, I wanted to go to the library and "research" (aka read books) something for English class. When I get there, I see "The library is closed on Friday out of respect for Pope John Paul II."

What a crock of shit! What did libraries ever do to the Pope? The intolerable excuse for spending a nice sunny Friday not working is infuriating. And how well would my English teacher take it if I held myself to the same standards? "Sorry, professor! Out of respect for the Pope, I was too busy masturbating to finish my essay." Why is it that people just go along with "respect" and don't recognize the bullshit that it is? Man, I know when I die, I want libraries to close. What an honor!

It's not like any single person from the library knew the Pope or everyone's so depressed that they can't stand behind a counter or sit in a chair for half the day. It's just pathetic. Imagine in hospitals: "Out of respect for the passing of George Washington 200 years ago, we are not accepting patients on Monday." It makes absolutely no sense!

Answers to Supergame #2

It appears I'm almost 3 months overdue for giving the solutions to the wonderfully exciting Supergame #2. The first picture is a blender, the second a doorknob, and the third is a flat screen monitor. I wish I could link to the full pictures, but I seem to have lost them.

Jeopardizing Theories: A challenge of Modern Conformity

[© 2005 Tobias McCord. Used with permission.]

Men's ability to duly accept circumstances outside of their control is perhaps one, if not the only and most apparent, character fundamental in development. Nothing is more certain that a person, though dwelling in denial and allowing dissatisfaction, will come to terms with their predicament, keeping a subconscious "it will get better" in the back of their throats, constantly choking on the idea of false hope.

As common and expected as this is, much like paranoia, pain and fear, it is also the most horrific and grotesque of all human qualities. It is positively despicable to think of a sentient being taking all of life's little sick jokes with a half amused quip, as if it were some amusing anecdote and nothing more relevant than a Sunday walk in the park. Perhaps the situation is not relevant; maybe it is one trivial event and not worth remembrance, but we, as a species on the whole, cannot tell the difference between the two.

There is a select few, and I dare say that number is as steady as the business cycle, that fight this conformity. The early Jewish and Christian followers in the time of the Roman polytheistic empire, fighting for their beliefs underground, hiding in the mask of contempt of Roman egotistic; the Beat following of the nine-teen fifties, as the prolific and disturbing conformity known as 'keeping up the Joneses' crept into America, brought on by the Red Scare of the Communist Soviet Union; the hippie movement of the sixties and seventies against war and rash decisions; all of them, as equal in importance as they are in irrelevance.

Challenge comes in many forms, always in two categories: direct and indirect. The forms of challenge, though different and widely broad in their tactics, have the same purpose: to confront the issue.

Direct challenge, for example, is the most perverse and widely ineffective means of challenge because it usually lacks two very vital keys; on the first part, direct, or physical challenge, is ineffective as it lacks direction. The physical action of the challenge, whether it be by a public rally, lobbying, rioting or otherwise, accomplishes immediate goals set by the challengers. However, as the immediate battles are won, the long term goals are lost; physical demonstrations win the heart and passion of the people, but as your opposition is affected, the long term remembrance of your goals are lost and do not linger.

The second flaw in direct challenge is a pure inability to sustain your challenge. The only things worth challenging are those of power and authority, and as demeaning and disheartening as it is, the challengers, nine times out of ten, have fewer resources and a lack of means to accomplish their goals. They are quickly and hastily discredited and broken, the spirit of their cause broken upon the knee of blind certainty. You cannot challenge a super power and hope to win.

The second form of challenge is indirect, or subtle, challenge; this comes in many forms and is often the most apparent and most looked form of challenge. This is a common occurrence, seen everyday, disguised as propaganda, opinion and fiction; the varying and exact views of individuals speaking out to an awaiting world, oblivious of their obligation as sentient beings to acknowledge these views as virtue, heresy, gospel, pretense or otherwise. Opinions need not opinions, only acknowledgement. Opinions are just that; nothing more. Gentle persuasion, or recruitment, to your ideals is essential in indirect challenge.

By subtly enforcing your idea on a large level, invoking your thoughts and views to a tender and vulnerable mass of humanity, you gently persuade, if even a select few, to see your point. By this, and a wonderful process known as 'grapevine' or 'word-of-mouth', the idea catches on, is adapted, changed, altered and redistributed to anxious minds, cautiously looking to accept a revolutionary change.

Is subtle challenge quick? By not means. Is it effective? That is opinion.

Revolution, the hand-in-hand companion of challenge, is a slow, painful and tedious process; a constant option, over looked, ignored and widely feared. The wrong, right, just, guilty, free, enslaved and anyone in between; they are looking for settlement. They are hungering for stability and understanding. It will not bring itself. It has to be brought to the doorstep of humanity, heaped onto a silver platter, decorated with all of the carefully made traits to hide its contents and force fed to an ignorant world.

Andkon Email and RSS

Over yonder at Homestarrunnerdom, a Mexican wrestler wannabe quasi-midget named Strongbad answers emails. I try to do the same in the worst parody ever:

Click to view the quicky!

In completely unrelated news, I've setup RSS for my website which enables people to check out the headlines of each of my entries without coming to my site. If you're using Firecox, you can press that orange thing at the bottom of the screen. If you want to be a complete nerd and you have your standalone RSS client thing, the address is http://www.andkon.com/rss.php