Andkon's Daily Rightings

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Andkon is the shining bacon of the 21st century, single-handedly leading humanity out of the uncertain present. Apart from managing the world's best arcade, he writes daily to cultivate the ignorant masses

Andkon.com is Four Years Old

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Andkon.com opened four glorious years ago today. What progress since the days of 120 games! Let's see what happened since this time last year:

Obviously, last year's promise of "the next months will see tons of progress" came true. The proposed book is still very "in the works," although different projects are planned for the very near future.

Bush Encourages Insurgency?

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After Bush's trip to Hungary, Reuters is reporting that "Bush says Hungary is an Example for Iraq to follow," his speechwriters making reference to the crushed 1956 uprising in the country against the Soviet occupation. But if we look at the real history, it becomes very clear that the Soviet occupation of Hungary is much the same as the American occupation of Iraq. The Americans are not the freedom fighters. How so?

Title Goes Here: Smuggling Bear (#191)

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Title Goes Here
It appears Pedro Blows is my favorite student I've ever had. He managed to smuggle fifty pounds of cocaine in his suitcase among other places.
No fair! I offered to be your drug mule last semester!
Be quiet, Dick. Pedro, unlike you, shows determination and sacrifice. Out of the fifty pounds, he transported ten in his rectal cavity. You couldn't manage half of that without squealing like the bitch you are.
Andkon 2005, as if.

Title Goes Here: New Bear (#190)

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We have a new boy in class today. Because he's Peruvian, he was accused of being a terrorist in London. He would have been sent to Guantanamo but that's full.
He's almost as hairy as Barbara's pussy!
Not after the lawnmower incident five minutes before class.
Andkon 2005, as if.

Title Goes Here: Steroid Use (#189)

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Steroid use in baseball teaches us a very good lesson about the work ethic.
If you cheat hard enough, you'll be ahead of everyone else?
No. If you really want to reach the heights, you gotta try extra hard. Dick, if your balls don't shrink 50% by next week, you're not trying hard enough and therefore you won't be passing this class.
Andkon 2005, as if.

2500 Americans and 250,000 Iraqis Dead

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In typical ironic fashion, the US Congress held a moment of silence after the announcement of military deaths reaching 2,500. This is nothing new, as the Congress has been holding a moment of silence for almost four years concerning the Iraq war.

And of course, who cares about the Iraqis themselves? According to a new study, 250,000 of them might have died since the occupation began. With American-mandated sanctions that led massive starvation and malnutrition among children after the first Gulf War in 1991, total Iraqi deaths thanks to America topples perhaps 1,000,000. Saddam Hussein managed only 8,000 per year.

Title Goes Here: Home Economics (#188)

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In Trophy Spouse 101, we'll learn how to make ratatouille today.
Do you like French cuisine?
No, I hate it. But I do love saying RATATOOEY RATATOOEY RATATOOEY RATATOOEY RATATOOEY. That's it for today. Class dismissed.
Andkon 2005, as if.

Title Goes Here: Public Rally (#187)

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I think everyone needs to come to the "Legalize Public Masturbation Now!" rally.
While you are perverted man, you don't seem interested in civic exercises except when you can throw rocks at protestors and call them traitors. What gives?
I have an outstanding arrest for lewd behavior.
Andkon 2005, as if.

Title Goes Here: Half Anniversary (#186)

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It's been half a year since Johnson quit college and started his own business. I miss him, but Dick is a suitable alternative.
Who is Johnson?
I can't believe how you don't remember Johnson. He's the reason why the doctor had to stick a power drill into your cooter twice.
Andkon 2005, as if.

Andkon Proven Right After Almost Four Years

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When Andkon.com opened almost four years ago, one of the first articles was entitled Corporate Fraud: Mozilla. It was wildly innaccurate, but the main idea was the corporate funding Mozilla then received from AOL Time Warner corrupted the idea of open source by taking work for free and giving profits to a corporation.

Last year, the non-profit Mozilla Foundation created a subsidiary called the Mozilla Corporation so as to "eliminate some of the thorny legal and tax issues that have been caused by the revenue-generating potential of Firefox." As was reported almost eighteen months ago, the head developer of Firefox moved to Google. As was reported three months ago, the Mozilla Corporation reported over $70 million in revenue, all from Google: if you use the search box at the top right and click on Google ad, Mozilla Corporation gets gold.

Da Vinci Project

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Over at Explosm, there's an elite-members-only thread concerning a comic strip project about the Da Vinci Code one of the admins was asked to do by a lazy student. The elite members participated in screwing over this kid by producing completely disgusting scenes that never happened in the book. I submitted five, but please remember they are NSFW as they contain shocking materials:

  1. Oracle of Oracles [Goatse!]
  2. Lynching [This was so bad, it got banned from the thread that's supposed to be about making shocking images!]
  3. Cartoon Lynching
  4. Cartoon Rape
  5. Recursive based on someone else's work [First one that's not "inappropriate."]

Spineless President Decrees Spineless Distraction

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Amid numerous scandals and battles with Congress over immigration, the President has resorted to profiting from the gay issue, despite falling support for a gay marriage ban over the last year as only a "slim majority" now support the ban.

Of course, the alcoholic, cocaine-addict has his philosophical reasons:

Marriage is the most enduring and important human institution, honored and encouraged in all cultures and by every religious faith. Ages of experience have taught us that the commitment of a husband and a wife to love and to serve one another promotes the welfare of children and the stability of society.

If the problem is the "commitment of a husband and a wife" then why isn't the proposed amendment a divorce ban? That's because about half of all marriages have ended in divorce which means there's plenty of people to protest against that, while scapegoating a small segment of the population is easier. Heil Hitler.

I personally support the Marriage Abolishment Amendment as I believe it wholly unfair to the single tax-payers to have pay more income tax because married couples filing jointly get a much lower tax rate. Why the hell should I have to foot the bill because two strangers, by the millions, want to live together and possibly have children (who'll use up my taxes for shitty underperforming schools), gay or straight? Why should I have to pay taxes for all this crap?

Title Goes Here: Summer Semester (#185)

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Summer is officially here. To celebrate, we'll have a pop quiz. For every answer you get wrong, I'll take a shot. Since I have a fresh bottle, I'm actually looking forward to wasting my ink on your papers.
What? It's impossible to have a pop quiz on the first day of the new semester!
No, it's just highly unusual and unlikely. What is impossible is for you guys to enjoy your summer, which is more like "any other semester except the professor will turn off the air conditioning in five minutes."
Andkon 2005, as if.

Amazon Saves You a Bundle*

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* Cost of abortion not included.

Macintosh Users?

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I got an email today:

Dear Mr.Andkon, Recently, when I've tried to play games at andkon.com/arcade, safari simply shuts down completely. Perhaps this is from the recent upgrades you did, perhaps it only affects macs, in any case, I would appreciate it if you would look into this problem.

Anybody else have this problem?

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