Andkon is the shining bacon of the 21st century, single-handedly leading humanity out of the uncertain present. Apart from managing the world's best arcade, he writes daily to cultivate the ignorant masses
My day just sucked ass. From completely failing some cockulus testicle to some talk (that I've heard from different people for years) with coach over water polo or whatnot. Appearantly, the assistant coach overheard my usual remark of "I'd rather be at home." First, why the hell does Navy Man care? Second of all, why bother me with some talk that will have no effect since I'm right? (Notice the needless axiomatic statement in that sentence: "I'm right.") One good out of all of this: I can still swim fast, despite my now ten-month absence from regular swimming.
My crimes against humanity are as follows: I "show disrespect towards teammates," I "can't dribble", I am "attitudinally" reprehensible, I "probably haven't listened to any coach's advice in my life", my flipturns suck, I rape babies and I am Hitler's clone bent on the destruction of the entire world. Let's address the more pertinent ones.
I show disrespect? Really? It's better to tell shit to someone's face than behind their backs AND sarcastic remarks are completely okay. Unlike other people, I don't pussy out by gossiping about people without their prior knowledge that I hate their guts. Secondly, what about these sarcastic remarks? They are all objective and fair. Commenting from the bench, "Nice pass to the goalie --- of the other team" is rather accurate. I don't see what's wrong with pointing out mistakes. Perhaps if it didn't happen every shot, I wouldn't say stuff like this. And how is this "attitudinally" reprehensible, by the way? Oh what, some people's feelings might get hurt because I point out truthful information? Oh no, we don't want to learn from our mistakes, God forbid that, or we might actually win games! When exactly did I write in this very blog that we never play aggressively? What's one reason we lose games? Oopsies. Yes, let out anger against me and use me as a scapegoat since it's sarcastic remarks that are losing games (OBVIOUSLY) and not bad defense and shooting that shows lack of concentration.
What I do find reprehensible is how little I got to play this season. All I know is that I'm fast. All I know is that we too many games by one point where at least one goal was made by a cherry picker. Since I know I'm not great on offense, I would always follow the cherry picker. While this would not have won all games by any means, I would suggest that a potential goal has less of a chance going in with "two people versus one" as opposed to the past situations of "goalie alone versus cherry picker."
I can't take this shit anymore. School is a bunch of bullshit that for the most part (not all, as I'm holding out that some classes are remotely useful) could suck my dick. It's useless, it doesn't teach anything, and it's gay. Line tangent to some parabola... what's the real life application of that? Nothing, except if you try to shoot your scrotum with a gun just so that only a small piece gets blown off. Tricking millions of clueless people, writing the first decent html tutorial that even bothers to respect the thoughts of the inventor the web, and even trying to make a high score list for my arcade are a million-fold more useful.
Season Record Playing Time: Full Quarter
Concerning yesterday's comments, I was partially wrong. Should I dwell on this and be a jackass? Yes, otherwise I wouldn't be one. First, I played the entire third quarter. I was right too though: we lost the game, 6-4 which for practical purposes was what I said. NO, I did not throw the game, no one scored off me and my guy was pissed off because I was about a dick's length away from his face the whole time staring at him without blinking. And I kinda got the sprint, yippie me. After the stagnant halftime (1-1), things picked up as we started to win (3-2), but the last quarter was like a giant fart (4-6). Shout out to Ben: I win the Fantasy Even/Odd Water Polo since even players (regardless of team) scored more than odd numbered players. Before I forget, maybe if we "eeeeeeeeeeeeeh sluuuuuuuuufffffffff" more we would win HEHEHE...
And Conrad, I need the towel nudist and Benchwarmer Man pics for this site.
However, today's main highlight was not crappy water polo or crappy school or other crap. The highlight was armpit farting in one of my coed classes. Some of the girls obviously had PMS as they rolled their eyes and didn't bother to laugh. It wasn't a "Silly, Andras" roll eyes but more like a "I'm a cracksuperwhore" roll eyes. Gee, be a whore and actually tell me to "stop." Sorry sister, I can't "stop" the bleeding. My table was laughing the whole time though. It's all good. And if grabbing my sweaty armpits wasn't fun enough (which smelled GOOD because of the deodorant I use), OTL got a real boost today. In fact, let's have some cryptic message: "Yuri Gagarin was actually as American as they get." I'll let my peanut gallery figure that one out. Responses involving "DUH, he was a Soviet ROTL!!!!! -+-+-+- LOL WTFFFF 12/f/pussyland 12126t47234!!!!!!!" are all wrong.
Let Me Waste my FUCKING DAY doing nothing.
School was easy today, as in we did nothing of importance. But that's usually everyday. Then water polo just pissed the fucking hell out of me. I realized this: why the fuck do I practice if I don't play in a game. Supposing that it would be worth to play HALF a game for a FULL practice each day, my sympathy minute and sub-minute would mean that I would have to practice about 10 minutes each day, proportionally speaking. I also just LOVE how my only true asset of sprinting is completely undervalued. It's not like we have cherry pickers always scoring on us. It's not like other teams sprint back and score...
Then to piss me off even more, coach had the nut-smacking audacity to ask me why I missed Saturday's game. Gee, the same game where 2nd string played a minute? Honestly, why the hell do you care? And then to top it all off, "would I like to go to State Champs in Dallas?" Ummm, let me think about it for a while. A whole weekend for sitting around on some bench. Hmmm, gee it sounds sooooooo good. I can do that here in MY park on MY bench while seeing idiotic cops run stop signs within 200 feet of where I got my ticket for something I didn't do that had I EVEN done could NOT have been seen from where the cop was standing [see yesterday's post and some past day's post as well].
Prediction: Tomorrow, I will waste my time as usual playing nothing. "Oh but it's Westside, they are easy." Shut up, every team so far that beat us was "easy." Westside narrowly lost to Baytown in a game I watched while being fucking stranded AFTER ANOTHER GAME WHICH I DIDNT GET TO PLAY IN AT ALL. The point is Westside is just as good as Baytown. How many times did we lose to Baytown? Twice now, perhaps. In fact let me predict how badly we are going to lose: 6-2. Oh wait, Andras, you are trying to throw the fucking game! Well, "throwing the game" implies that I actually get to play. If you want to make other predictions about my playing time or score or how many crappy shots people will take, use the "comments" link.
Sitting like an old man on a park bench, I noticed a cop speeding by. Trying to see if it was the same cop who gave me the ticket, I followed the car with my eyes. Though it wasn't the same cop, this one managed to blast thru a stop sign with no remorse.
In related news, with absolutely no long-term goals, I have nothing to look forward to. Toal misery and boredom are close by.
Comments to the Peanut Gallery
I never liked playing the game "telephone." People can't remember what the other person said before. I don't need this shit, so no one bother me about their personal problems. I have enough of my own. It's mind-bogglingly stupid to ask me about a person, then ask the PERSON himself. It's idiotic and makes no sense.
Due to my Helen of Troy predicament, I am the sole arbitrator of truth.
[Mr. X] tries to save Andkon.com
Mr. X (10:30:00 PM): As Vice President of Andkon, I decided we must expand our grounds.... we now sell dildos to lonely girls.... considering the large number of ugly chicks at [a certain school renowned for its ugly girls], we should be rich by lunch on Wednesday... I have even included our Andkon Guarantee: "If you dont reach orgasm within 30 min of proper usage, you're a loser who can't get off, so use this as a paperweight or something!" ~VP
I JUST FOUND A FIVE POUND BAG OF GUMMY BEARS!
Andkon's Arcade Enigma (plus crappy water polo)
Let's compare my arcade to a similar one: abcarcade.com. Like mine, it opened a year ago, has the same stats crapcounter, and it has simple games. Unlike mine, it has Flash and Shockwave games. On any given day (apart from when they aren't down) they get at least 10,000 visitors. I struggle for triple digits (100) on some days.
Trying to unlock their secret to such success, I search for them online. I uncovered some pretty depressing promotion: individual spam, banner exhange, affiliate links, etc.
MY WHINING ISNT OVER YET. THE LIBRARIAN JUST KICKED ME OFF.
[Continued seven hours later...]
Before we resume my arcade ramble, here's a word about water polo: it sucks cock. What... a... surprise... we... lost... again... I spend wasted SIX hours on this shit. I played ZERO minutes. This is fucked up. It's funny how if a person in second-string screws up (in the rare event he actually plays), then he is immediately called out. The starters can make all sorts of mistakes, which there were plenty of today. Could I do better? Could the bench play better? Dunno, but I do know that we could lose just the same anyways.
I didn't even bother staying until the second game (at 9PM). Pathetically, the team plays some middle school. Not even a JV team, but a middle school team. Even if I get to play, I'm not wasting my entire time to play with seventh graders. Yes, I'm too good for that shit. (Shut up, as if arrogance wasn't already a problem, COUGH.)
Anyways, the benchwarming section (me included) decided to make a school club for us. We will call ourselves the Benchwarmers' Dry Club (BDC). The only qualification is that you don't play for more than three minutes in a game. As I am making up bullshit positions for club officers, this will look good on upcoming college applications. "Varsity Waterpolo Captain (BDC)" Colleges won't give a rats ass about what BDC stands for. How about "Varsity Waterpolo President (BDC)" WOW? Student #2534A-c2 went to a school where they had a president for waterpolo, damn they must be serious. If you want to join, just drop me an email or talk to me at school. The club sponsor will be Vodling if he accepts. (I just sent him an email.) Other great positions await: "Varsity Waterpolo Forward Guard" (you sit in the front row, not the back), "Varsity Waterpolo Strategist" (you sit next to Frankie and watch him tally), and "Varsity Waterpolo Frequent Ball-Handler" (you throw in the ball to the goalie or to two-meters if goes out of bounds -or- you're my bitch).
Back to the arcade. So abcarcade.com uses pretty shitty techniques to spread itself around. For me to do the same, I would pretty much have to give up the reason for the arcade's existance: no ads. So in effect, they are the people who indirectly contribute to the accepted use to popups, spam, and other shit no one likes. One really promising thing about stats: the average Andkon Arcader plays for over nine minutes, while at abcarcade they can only keep people for three minutes.
And thanks to mega-bitch's kicking me off, guess who my next comics (entitled "The Fatass Elephant Bitch") is going to be based upon?
Another crappy day like others, rescued by an essay!
School sucked, I ripped up my cockulus homowork, I unquit waterpolo due to an "unforseen circumstance," practice was a waste, I have to study for a cockulus testicle [yep, i'm first to use that, Google], and I have some shitty game tomorrow. Prediction on how much I will play: under three minutes. It's funny how people tell me to manage my time when a full eight of my day goes for shitting around benchwarming.All these horrible memories of the past just keep rushing back at me, even ones that I thought I had finally forgotten.
I then got my first good news this week, kind of a lifetime thing to feel good about. What a kjewl (cool Jew). Hehe.
So far so shit!
Another waste of my time. Crappy Diem sucked. How can I "seize the day" when all we do is idiotic selfish sports when two people pass the ball to each other? How about, I seize your fist and shove it up your ass? Apart from putting a hot dog on my pants to make it look like a dick, the day sucked.
I just love it when people tell me not to quit waterpolo or "I'll miss you" and the other stuff right out of Oprah's vagina. Ummm... First, I technically didn't quit waterpolo. Quitting implies already being active in something. Bench warming, scrubbing, Dry Club life-time membership, and the Sympathy Minute do not constitute "active" in any sense of the word. As a Hail Mary effort, I'll ask to be demoted to JV but that will of course be shot down since JV is for "the next year or building." Second, how am I missed? One less person on the bench? I'm pretty sure someone else can take my place making fun of people. I hate to not play water polo, but it's not like I played it anyways. The realization that I wouldn't play at all even for the short time left over just hit last night.
I (and at least six or seven others) probably thought it'd be fun to play as seniors. But no, it turned out to be total crap. If coach won't let some people play, he should at least have the freaking decency to tell the person not to come to some games. It's bad enough going to practice each day knowing you'll play a minute for the week's effort but it's much worse to waste the game day just sitting and driving around town.
It's interesting to note that on the way home from school a cop today cut me off because he didn't bother signaling when changing lanes. As there is no "HOW'S MY DRIVING? CALL 1800-xxx-xxxx" sticker, who the fuck can report horrible driving on the part of cops?
Off to bed I go...
...lonely, accused, branded, betrayed, anxious, desperate, cold, and above all unwanting of another day.
I can't believe I'll have to pay about $200 per month more for the next few years (say five or six) because of something that I did not do.
Today = Shit
I should have been a lot more suspicious today as it didn't suck from the beginning. I slept nicely, I didn't stay up until 3AM. There was nothing overtly gay (or nazi) about school today. I checked my arcade's stats during my free periods and around 9AM there were already 40 visitors. Considering that on some weekends I got that for the entire day, not too shabby. Then things went downhill into the crapper.
On my way home to school, I took an alternate route which landed me right in front of my old elementary school. Since it was a little after 3PM, I went the usual 20mph. Then there was a stop sign. So I stopped. There was a crossing guard waving his stop sign. So I didn't go and waited. I waited until the batch of children made it across to the right by a cop car and three adults talking. I waited until the crossing guard made it back to the left.
I waited for three WHOLE seconds AFTER the guard made it to the left AND put his stop sign down by his legs. Then I accelerated to 10mph. Behind the crossing guard, two or three children dart out. Since I'm going superslow, I safely slow down. As I am braking, the guard tries to help the children by jumping in front of my car with the stop sign. I was already stopped so cool.
Then the cop (whose car is next to me at this point) jumps to the right (she was on the street, not in her car) side of my car yelling at me to pull over. I do just that. She then tells me that I "disregarded the crossing guard" (actual quote from ticket). I was too stunned to offer an explanation at the time (since I have no clue what I did wrong). She spends nearly 10 minutes filling out a form that usually would take a person 30 seconds. When she strolls back, I manage to have the guts to tell her that when I started moving from the intersection, the guard had his sign down and no one was on the street. She says "Blah blah, blah, I have three witnesses that saw the whole thing." Since I don't want my ass hauled off to jail for being logical (since that usually a crime when talking to most people), I back off.
Now let's see. Would the three witnesses be the same three people who were talking by the cop car? Let's see. When you talk to people you face the person you are TALKING TO, not the traffic on the street. So there were at most two people who could have even remotely seen me and at least one (visualize a triangle and turn it anyway). In either case, it's not three. Plus, WHAT could they have seen? Since they are on a parallel line with the crossing guard, had one or two (though NOT three for sure), they could NOT have seen the precise detail and precise timing of BOTH the crossing guard and my car. So what did they all (and by all I mean one or two) see? The listened to the small screech of my car which was then right in front of the stop sign NOW held by the crossing guard with children who ran across the street. One of them then alerts the cop she's talking to. The cop probably wanting to seem community friendly stops the law-breaking, wreckless, son-of-a-bitch teenager that I am.
Let's see what's going to happen. Since teenagers are always reckless drivers, I will probably get convicted of this crime against humanity in some Nuremburg-like tribunal. My insurance will go up a few hundred dollars, per month. I'll probably have to take defensive driving. And why? Not because I broke ANY SINGLE law, OR went above the speed limit, OR was drunk. No, it's because some cop probably wants to look all good in front of anxious parents who by logic could not have seen me at the precise moment when I started accelarating when the crossing guard had his sign down. Yippie! EVNE MORE FUCKING WASTED TIME GONE AND MY FUCKING MONEY BECAUSE OF SOME STUPID PARENTS.
As if I wasn't pissed off enough, I had to go to a water polo game. Here is my feeling for water polo:
I drive to a fucking game, and I play for 1:37. Yes one minute and and thirty-seven seconds. Or since inbreeds who operated the timer who can't decide which of the two buttons to punch, more like 1:20. Maybe the cop should write a ticket for THEM since they OBVIOUSLY can't distinguish between the STOP and START buttons.
What the fuck is up with these last minute sympathy plays? Gee, since the team half-assedly played and almost got beaten by a Quadraplegic-olympics (this is water polo, think about it) team, let's let the team sit it out for the last minute so they can nap before they shake the other teams hands. I don't spend four hours of my time for nothing. Let's further think about this. If you had to waste four hours of day for one minute of sex, would you do it? No, and this isn't even sex.
So there, I quit. I knew this was gonna happen, I said that I want to quit over a month ago, but now it's just self-degradely pathetic if I went back. I refuse to be treated like a piece of worthless shit, which is exactly the treatment I got (and about 6 more players). I mean let's see: aren't I the fastest on the team? Or wait, this isn't a swim team. OH WAIT! From the bench, the back-and-forth swimming certainly made it seem that way. Just so I don't quit in haste (haha, I've been thinking about it for a month), I'll ask to get demoted to JV so I could play. This is probably the first time in the history of any sport that a person who made the varsity level asks to be put back. But it's playing and fun I want, not status or some bullshit.
Oddly this was the same pool that I quit two years prior. Someone even told me that "wouldnt it be funny if you quit here, again?". Despite seeming suicidal and depressed on this blog, I don't have a bad attitude. I try to joke around and ease my misery. I did just that in the locker room and I counted on playing a lot since the opposing team really sucks. But no. No. No. No.
Is anyone saying, "Just suck it up and be a man?" Well first off, where I come from it's only women that do the sucking. Secondly, why? I am willing to overlook "minor" character flaws (such as adults getting kids drunks), but when you screw me over, you are fucked as a porn star. And let's remember why i quit two years ago. I was absent for two weeks (first week: fever thoughout; second week: nasty cough and sinusitis). And why did I get this disease? Well the pool was a dirty piece of shit. And Harden has the audacity to not let me play and suggests that I won't play for a while in the season??? Why, because I didn't go to practice because of a fever and feeling like shit? And it's not like he didn't MISS a FEW GAMES that seasons himself. He showed up late (as in AFTER the game) and never explained why he didn't show up on at least two occassions. Most likely, he was drunk, seriously. I don't care if he smokes pot or even if he gets other idiots equal to him drunk, but this hypocrisy DOES NOT fucking fly with.
And to make matters worse, when took a shower, the plugged-in hair dryer fell into my bath. Oh wait, things that I wish for never happen.
From Crappy Day to Crapshoot
Palace Walk isn't that bad of a book, but the tests for it are quite anally obstrusive. I read from 11PM to 2:30AM, about 180 pages. I still probably got a bad grade.
Waterpolo is so damn damned. It stupid and pointless. I can't wait until it's over and I can't believe why I didn't quit like I wanted to over a month ago.
In the Non-Bitch Department, I have revised an idea whereby I would actually start working on my tutorial. I would basically make drafts until I get the final product. Work on it should start this weekend, but if last if it's anything like last weekend, then I might as well never finish it. As I'm gonna be spending most of my time on this tutorial, it better be.
Yet another new game was added to the arcade, SF Cave. You fly around trying to avoid walls and rectangular pieces of shit. I first saw it as a helicopter Flash game, but now it's appearantly in Java as well. Cool. Speaking of the arcade, the number of visitors at least hasn't gone down.
Like so many before, this weekend was pointless.
Despite the fact that I have done nothing of my "want to do" list, I did manage to add two more games to my arcade (mastermind and JAsteroids). And that's pretty much all the positive. Speaking of the arcade, it has reached its lowest visitor count since January. And I still have to read 180 pages... Do an essay... some math.... and read some more.....
In store for next week: another fun week of waterpolo in which I'll play basically nothing. Wasted time wasted energy for that shit. More useless homework. I'll spend most of the week fantasying about what great tutorial I'll make, or OTL, or some other thing that will never come true. I'll even make outlines for these things, I'll seemingly get far. But when the weekend rolls itself around, I'll be too tired and incoherent to actually realize these goals.
All in all I can safely conclude that my life is truly a giant waste at this point.
Things that waste my time.
- Colonel Sander's Pg 126-300 of Palace Walk, possibly the most pointless book ever writtten. This shit will take me too much time to read. How the hell am I supposed to "enjoy the book" when I know that for all my effort I will get a B on the test over it? It's kinda stupid and a waste of my time. Maybe if I had more time, I could develop my english skills on my own time. Or just maybe, I could finally fucking do an html tutorial that isn't like any other. Or finally add top scores to some games at the arcade. But no, ANALyzing a book to the point of absurdity is all I have to do. WOW, Arab men lust after women but lock up their wives on their own homes! Alert CNN!
- Some boring history essay about Luther being the spark for the Reformation. I know this shit, why write an essay on it? Instead of observing history from a book, I could actually be part of it. How so? Well, how many html/css tutorials do we have online that are worthwhile? ZERO? Well that's fucking surprising.
- Read some other irrelevant history chapter after Luther or something. After writing a paper affiriming how helpless I am to influence history, I reaffirm it by reading more history.
- Some other essay about something or other that is luminous. The book has nothing on this of course, so I'll have to get my doctor to do a prostate exam, perhaps the essay is up in there.
- Cockulus homowork. Oddly enough, I am not the first person to use those two words in the same page. [Google] This will reaffirm the uselessness of my existence. But I guess this is the easiest.